Why I’m so fed up with the sex industry and the culture surrounding it.

unrelated picture just because.

People are constantly asking me why I’m hoping to retire later this year and also why I get into little debates on Twitter. To any of my clients who know me well, it’s obvious that my patience and tolerance are running thin, but why? That’s what so many want to know and it’s too much for me to type out to everyone who asks individually or for a Curiouscat answer so I’ll address the issue here.

My frustrations with the industry started when I began recognizing how incredibly toxic and hateful it can be. Two years ago it wasn’t quite as bad; there were always cliques, childish behaviors, and attempting to screw each other over for profit. That can be found in lesser degrees in other work environments so I went in expecting that, however, I didn’t know just how bad it would be or how bad it would become. It’s not even the workers themselves that are completely to blame. It would be very easy to make assumption, but it’s far from the truth. Like it or not, but as clients you control the market and many of you unknowingly or otherwise reward a lot of the behaviors that are ruining the industry.

Daily I see men humiliating themselves for the approval of the community, declaring masculinity as “dangerous” or “toxic” and more. When you do this or reward people who share this ideology with cash or the attention and dopamine they crave, you are part of the problem. I get that a lot of you are good and want to be a good guy, but just as many of you are playing along to get close to community as well which is both disturbing and disgusting. A lot of you also buy into it too. It’s no secret that a huge majority of the client base are the kind of bugmen who follow accounts like the feminist next door (@emrazz) or Dr. Eric Sprankle (@DrSprankle) etc and I never quite understood why. I’m not telling anyone what to think or who to follow by the way, I just want you to maybe consider why you have the mindset that you do and also why you support the people that you do. These are people, communities, and ideologies that want you to hate yourself for being who you are and how nature intended you to be. If you embrace masculinity or feel as though you don’t need to be re-educated because of how a minority of men act, you’re the bad guy. People may tease you and mock you with the “not all men” bullshit if you speak out against this, but you’re right to do so.

Don’t any of you wonder why women are almost never held accountable in the mainstream for how a minority of us act? Women are statistically proven more likely to harm someone including their own children simply for attention. There are so many documented cases, but mainstream society doesn’t seem to think we need to be re-educated on how to behave like a decent human being over it. Why? Why is it that women feel the need to constantly compare their accomplishments to the accomplishments of men? Why do people continuously try to delude themselves into believing that men and women are biologically equal? Who is mostly promoting these ideas? This isn’t an expression of misogyny, this is just a brutal and real truth and some basic questions for you to consider. I love being a woman, I love and embrace femininity just as much as I do masculinity. The people promoting the idea of toxic masculinity etc, are hateful themselves. Their preachings of self-love and self-care are an attempt to hide their hatred behind a thick, heavy curtain of deception and lies. They don’t love themselves and they don’t want you to either. They don’t accept reality so you shouldn’t either.

It’s not just the man hate that is driving me to quit. There are many other things contributing to my growing disdain for an industry I once loved dearly. One major component being the increasing social justice element. This has to lead to a lot of online harassment and bullying against anyone who dare think differently. Use the wrong terminology or ask any questions and BOOM you’re the enemy. One misstep, you’re transphobic, whorephobic, or a racist. People seem to forget that a well known person in this industry committed suicide over this and it was well documented that the biggest contributors to her bullying were her peers ( many claim innocence now or deny they were ever part of the harassment against her ). This was years ago, but obviously nothing was learned from it because the issue still exists and it’s even worse than before. If you don’t instantly validate the delusions or lies of the so-called “marginalized” or if you speak out against misinformation, there are consequences and threats. If you call out the insanity and you’re white, “cis”, or male instantly your thoughts and opinions aren’t valid because of privilege. Why does anyone tolerate this? I’m blown away by it everyday and unless people start to call this out and completely stop supporting this, it may never stop. This industry is supposed to be mysterious and about independence and empowerment, but those days seem to be long gone. Now it’s all about materialism and who is the biggest victim. Almost no one calls out the tremendous hypocrisy of playing a victim online for likes, RTs and other forms of validation when it’s all based on lies. Then of course it’s always “civvies” fault when people see us as victims when we’re the ones promoting that narrative! We expect non-sex workers to support our causes, but rarely does the community think of anything or anyone other than itself.

All of this tiresome, but it’s even worse to discover how many predators lurk within this industry. A lot have a huge following and good reputations ( both clients and companions ). Each day more and more people are exposed with mountains of evidence for nefarious behavior that harms sex workers and the community. It’s just getting to the point where I don’t feel safe. People get violent over a difference of opinion and predators get violent when they’re exposed. I want that out of my life. Some of you may never understand it, but it’s my life to live and I have to do what best for me and my sanity.

Human Trafficking and Sex Work: How to Stay Safe While Working at Hotels

By now, I’m certain many of you have heard about the latest drama involving the Marriott hotel chain. There have been numerous tweets claiming that women traveling alone will not only be targeted by the hotel, but the feds as well. Quite frankly, I’m disappointed I have to say this: that is a complete fabrication.

We’re at the point now where mentioning any attempt to combat human trafficking is met with extreme disdain and wild assumptions before the facts are even considered. Unfortunately, an overwhelming amount of people within the sex work community do not consider facts before reacting to things of this nature. Please consider this before you attack or harass anyone on their behalf.

Simply traveling alone as a woman is not suspicious and will not raise any red flags. However, some of the warning signs mentioned here on their website could apply to some of us who use hotels for incall locations. It’s very important that we focus on these signs instead of spreading hysteria. If we want to avoid trouble we need to be incredibly careful and always consider how our actions are being perceived while working. This is not only to protect ourselves, but our clients as well.

This is a direct quote of warning signs from their website:

– Minimal luggage and clothing
– Multiple men seen being escorted one at a time to a guest room
– Individuals who can’t speak freely or seem disoriented
– Guests who insist on little or no housekeeping

When we arrive at a hotel we intend to use for incall, we should be sober and behave in a manner that doesn’t raise suspicion. I often travel with very little luggage and turn away housekeeping,  but that wouldn’t be a cause for concern in itself.  However, the way I conduct myself outside of my room or the number of gentlemen I see could bring unwanted attention to myself. When they make checklists like this, it isn’t one thing they’re focusing on, it’s several things at once.  Which means the more that apply to you, the greater your risk of being caught.

Generally, when I do incall I’m only seeing one person which decreases my chances of being caught significantly. I’m aware that this is not the case with most providers , but if you intend to see multiple gentlemen in the same hotel be very careful. There are several things to consider before booking an incall location ( for example; staying in a hotel that’s busy will probably make you stand out less ). Aside from location considerations, you should be very careful about the number of clients you’re seen with as well. Clients should also consider how discreet they’re being while making their way through the lobby, up the elevators, and to their providers room. It’s also important to consider your behavior if you’re confronted ( this goes for providers and clients ). Should hotel staff question you, your reaction could determine their next move. If you’re instantly defensive, start attacking them, or behave unprofessionally that only makes your situation more suspicious. If questioned, you should have a plan on what you’ll say and try to appear relaxed.

An example of this would be something strange that actually happened to me:

I was leaving a session at a casino and as I got off the elevator I was asked to show a room key. This made me very nervous because I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone and I obviously didn’t have a roomkey. They also didn’t ask anyone else who exited the elevator for their room key either-just me. My reaction was to laugh it off and lie to them. I said my “friend” was passed out in the room, so I got bored and decided I wanted to explore a bit. They had zero proof of anything, they were only suspicious, so after that brief exchange I was able to make my way to the parking garage and leave. I’m certain that had I reacted differently that situation would not have gone as smoothly.

If you’re ever confronted by hotel staff or guests always conduct yourself in a respectful manner and have a plan. I cannot stress this enough! The second you get defensive and go on the attack, you’ve begun the process of digging your own grave.

Another issue I would like to discuss is human trafficking. Are there people out there who are convinced that there is zero difference between consensual sex work and trafficking? Absolutely yes. Are these people a majority? No. Whenever human trafficking or the prevention of it is mentioned I would love it if we stopped taking it as a direct attack. Human trafficking is a very real issue that is more widespread than people would like to believe. Anyone who wants to put an end to such an evil, horrific thing should not be punished. It’s up to us to make sure we aren’t bringing unnecessary attention to ourselves or throwing up any red flags. Also, knowing more about what could be perceived as a red flag is actually incredibly beneficial to us. The article Marriot shared on their website is more helpful than harmful to us if you look at it that way.

I know I’m saying this for the millionth time, but here it goes again: No matter what we do not every person on the planet will like, respect, support, or even want to tolerate sex workers. This is just a reality you have to accept. One way to change how we are perceived is how we behave when confronted by people who aren’t pro-sex work. I hate how often I have to say this and things like this, but I’m never going to stop even though I doubt it’s doing any good.  Anyway, please stay safe out there everyone and have a good night.

Porn addiction and incels

After I made a few posts on Twitter quite a few of my followers reached out to me either to discuss their realization that they are currently addicted or to share stories of their past experiences with porn addiction . It touches me that so many of you feel like you can confide in me and I’m happy that something as simple as a few tweets can be a positive influence in your lives. Some of you also reached out to me when I tweeted that I would like to offer discounts to incels, mostly with extreme concern for my safety which I also appreciate. My plan was to make a video about both of these subjects, but honestly I’m too shy to do that so I guess this blog with have to do. First, I’ll go into more detail about what I know about porn addiction and afterward what I know about incels.

The trouble with porn addiction is that it’s really hard to determine that you’re addicted. If you’re single or don’t have an active sex life it’s even harder to recognize and it doesn’t always have the same impact on everyone. I know I mentioned on Twitter how porn trains your brain. That is very true, I know because I have years of real life experience with it. What I’m about to say has happened to a large majority of my clients. I don’t want any of you to think this is me discussing anything that happened between us, I’m not talking about anyone specifically, I just want people to be aware of how common this problem is. After two years spent inside a brothel and nearly one year working indepently, I can honestly say that more than half of my clients have issues with porn and masturbation. Whenever a healthy client is struggling to maintain or is unable to get an erection, more than 90% of the time porn and excessive masturbation are to blame.  Many people don’t realize how deeply your sexual capabilities are tied to your brain, but there is a very serious connection. When you become addicted to porn you’re teaching your brain to take more pleasure in it than you would in a real life experience.  Your brain will not respond the same way it normally would to sexual activity outside of masturbation. No one does this intentionally, this is something that just happens naturally so it often goes unnoticed until it becomes a problem.

Porn addiction has other side effects, such as causing depression and anxiety ( or making these problems worse ). I’ve personally seen it cause men to feel inadequate to the point where they no longer pursue romantic or sexual relationships at all. Another more extreme side effect I’ve experienced is how porn changes a person’s expectations surrounding sex. I can personally tell the difference between a man who has a healthy sex life and a man who almost solely relies on porn. I’m sure other courtesans would agree that there is a very noticeable difference. We see these issues very often and at least with me, my client’s don’t realize their porn or masturbation habits are a problem until we’re in the middle of a session. Whenever I encounter this issue, I always advise my client to cut back on how much porn they’re watching and also how often they masturbate. Sometimes I’ll also suggest exercise because that often helps tremendously or reading erotica over watching videos. Typically, if clients follow my advice by the time they have their next encounter with me or another companion their issues are resolved or at the very least significantly improved. Please don’t take all of this to mean that I think you should abstain from masturbation and porn altogether. My intention in writing this is to make you more aware of potential issues that can develop over time and encourage you to do some research for yourself especially if you suspect you have a problem. You will find some studies that say porn addiction doesn’t exist and that’s okay, I want you to think for yourself.

Another issue I wanted to talk about is last week when I tweeted about wanting to offer discounts to incels. I received a ton of DMs and emails about that tweet, all from very concerned followers worried for my safety. A lot of you told me not to do it and some suggested I delete my tweet before someone took me up on the offer. While I always love hearing your guys thoughts and appreciate how often you think of my safety, I don’t think it was a dangerous offer at all.  Frankly, the majority of my clients have been incels or divorced men who don’t want to be bothered with new long-term relationships. I understand that the mainstream has lead you to believe that these are violent, misogynistic, and vile individuals. From my experience, that isn’t remotely true. Yes, I have heard about the shootings and yes, I have also heard about the online groups. The actions of a few bad people shouldn’t prevent me from extending some basic human kindness to others if that’s what I want to do.

My client’s who have labeled themselves as incels are very lonely, depressed, and sometimes angry. Some have never had relationship, experienced a first kiss, or even attempted to flirt with a girl. Usually they’re a bit younger around 20-38, but I have seen men in their early 60’s who were virgins or who hadn’t had physical contact with a woman for decades until they met me. Everyone knows ( or at least should know ) how important physical touch is to our emotional well being, to go years without it would be devastating. I am aware that the world doesn’t owe anyone happiness and that no one is entitled to sex, my intention was not to promote those ideas. I have just seen how hiring a courtesan can benefit people who are incredibly sad and lonely. A few of my clients have contacted me to thank me for changing their lives. Some of them are in relationships, some are dating, and some are exclusively seeing companions. They said that spending time with me made them feel less depressed and eased their anxiety about to talking to women. I wanted to extend that opportunity to people who wouldn’t normally be able to afford it because I believe that hiring a courtesan is much healthier than watching porn excessively. I don’t think it’s my personal responsibility to solve the world’s problems, I just wanted to do something nice. Most of my incel clients have been incredibly funny, down to earth, and I have honestly enjoyed their company. I’d also like to add that you can’t always take what you see online to be a representation of how a person really thinks or feels. A few of my clients have shared past thoughts and online posts with me, some have even told me they used to have a very strong hatred of women. That hatred was more of an expression of their disappointment with themselves or their anger about the lack of love in their lives. The media doesn’t really understand what they’re looking at when they dig into these communities, they typically want to make things appear to be as scandalous as possible for clicks or ratings. I can tell you from first hand experience with these people, that what is being spread is not a fair representation. A few negative stories about sex workers taint our reputations, but those stories don’t represent us all.

I’m not really sure how to end this. I just want to say that hopefully reading this will help you if you’re struggling with either of these issues. These aren’t rare issues and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I could have gone into more detail, but my head is a little foggy from allergies unfortunately.